September 23, 2020: Abortion, Adoption and finding MY Birth Family

For those of you that did not know, I was adopted and after 46 years of searching, I finally found my Birth Family.

Anyone who has been adopted knows what it’s like to live life not knowing – not knowing where you came from, who your parents were, if you look like someone and the biggest question, WHY you were put up for adoption. You wonder if ANYONE OUT THERE has been looking for you, especially your Birth Parents.

My personal search began at the Children’s Home Society of Missouri when I was 18 yrs old. Files were still sealed back in 1970 and it was nearly impossible to get any information. I was lucky, however. I don’t know how, but my adopted father was able to give me my adoption papers which provided me with both MY original name and my birth mother’s name.

It was more information than most Adoptees have to begin their search. Still, it took years, tons of money for searches and a “DOG WITH A BONE ATTITUDE”.

Little by little things changed – laws changed and files opened, but the Children’s Home still would not release information that would lead me to my mother’s whereabouts. I had my mom’s name, but women get married and change their names. Add that to the fact that there are some states, that will not share information with other states. I was stuck.

After computers became available for in home use, things got better; not a lot, but better.

Over time computers evolved and more apps and sites became available.

Then Ancestry came into existence. Things were getting better. The 1940 census was released in 2012 and I was able to find an Aunt, who unfortunately had Alzheimer’s, which didn’t help. Still no luck.

I did another search and found my Birth Grandmother, who refused contact, but did reveal that my Mom was alive in California. California is one of those states that does not share information so it led to another dead end.

It wasn’t until I had an Ancestry DNA test done that I finally had a break. The results were in. There, before my eyes, were people – people that shared my DNA, people that shared a tiny bit of me. I was so excited. I was sure that I must belong to SOMEBODY on this page!

My DNA test results led me to a 2nd cousin who miraculously lived within 3 miles of my home in Florida. I had just moved there from St. Louis 2 years before. Finding him was an Amazing Miracle!

He gave me further information on my family, but he also gave me the sad news that my Birth Mother had passed away in 2002. I was so disappointed. I had so wanted to say THANK YOU.

You may ask why I wanted to thank her. She gave me away! – The answer is ABORTION.– I am Thankful that she didn’t have an Abortion. This whole abortion issue / fight seems so senseless to me. God says thou shalt not KILL. If my Mom would have had an Abortion, she would have KILLED ME!!! I’m so glad she didn’t.

If she had an ABORTION, I wouldn’t be here, neither would my children or grandchildren and I wouldn’t be here writing to you and sharing my Faith in the GOD who created me and “knitted me in my mother’s womb”. Psalms 139:13

I didn’t want to disrupt my mom’s life. I simply wanted to see her face, tell her that I was OK and to say THANK YOU. If she wanted to get to know me or hopefully want me in her life, that would be Amazing. Unfortunately she was gone.

My cousin did give me some great news. I had siblings. Hooray!!! I learned that my Mom had 5 children and my birth father, whom I have never found, had 6 children. My cousin had no luck finding any of them in his search.

I didn’t care at that moment. I was too excited and I knew that in time I would find all or some of them. Remember I was like a dog with a bone. Besides, I had hit the mother load! I had at least 11 brothers and sisters out there somewhere! Wow!

To find any of them I needed to keep searching – this time for siblings that would not necessarily show up in Ancestry, so I used Facebook. I was able to piece together names and photos on Facebook sites to put potential siblings together. I sent messages to all of them through Facebook.

Photo by RF._.studio on Pexels.com

In the summer of 2016 I received a call, then another call, until I was talking to a brother and sister n law in Texas, a sister in California and my Mom’s husband and his new wife, that I would eventually call Mom and Dad, that lived in southern California. I also later spoke to another brother on the east coast.

WOW! Lots of tears, lots of laughing, loads of questions asked and answered. I had found my Family. I finally belonged. I had found my way Home at the age of 64. Thank You Jesus!

So Today:

I am Thankful to God for finding my Birth Family. I look a lot like my sister and I’m told I have many of my Mom’s Characteristics and Mannerisms. Odd since I was never around her, but Absolutely Wonderful all the same. I am thankful for the bond and the love I now share with my new found family. I am also thankful for ANCESTRY and FACEBOOK along with the development of DNA testing. Without this technology I would never have found them.

If I could say one thing more – if you were adopted and are searching for your birth family, if you sit and cry watching those programs that reunite Adoptees wishing that was you…don’t give up hope. Pray. God will lead you. Everything is in HIS timing and part of HIS plan for you.

Belonging to Family is everything.

For those that belong to and have family…be grateful. You don’t know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong and to have a part of you missing that nothing seems to fill.

What are you Thankful for today?

I’m sure God would love to hear from you and so would I.

If you are searching for your family, let me know. I may be able to help. I have years of experience. If you’ve found your family, I’d love to share in your joy and celebration. Leave a comment and I’ll get back to you.

Blessings to you and your Families.

From my heart to yours,

Love, VICTORIA

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