I’m not looking for a quick response and I’m not talking to the pretend YOU.
I’m talking to the YOU behind all the ‘cover ups’ you use to hide who you really are. I’m actually asking a much deeper question that I pray will make you pause and think about before you respond.
We all don’t like things about ourselves…how we look, etc. I’m not talking about that part of you. I’m talking about the REAL YOU…the YOU that God sees…the standing before Him in the Garden of Eden YOU, the one grasping for fig and palm leaves to hide the naked truth YOU, not the YOU dressed in an altered facade, not the pretend YOU.
I’m talking about the behind the curtain YOU, the YOU when no one is looking, the one without the mask.
Do you even know who YOU are or have you pretended and hidden behind the facade for so long that you don’t even recognize your own reflection? Who are you REALLY and are you the person God intended for you to be?
Someone asked me this question and I have been pondering it for over a week now. I’m not sure I like the answer. I’m not getting any younger so maybe it’s time I figure this out now rather than later. So I asked myself…
Do I LIVE the FAITH I profess? Am I the person I think I am? Am I like the ‘real’ Wizard of OZ…just a small person behind a giant curtain of deception? If I strip away all the clothes, makeup and the face I put before my friends and even strangers… am I who I think I am?
Whoever I am…GOD SEES ME..the stripped down version of ME. That’s kind of scary. After thinking, crying and being extraordinarily truthful with myself, I realized something.
God knows the answer as to who I REALLY am. He sees the parts of me I don’t want anyone else to see…the hidden me.
He SEES the pain and scars hidden behind the Mona Lisa smile I sometimes wear. He SEES me when there’s just ME and HIM in the room at night when I cry myself to sleep. He SEES the ME when no one is looking. He SEES me when I try to fill the empty, hollow parts of me with food when I feel alone or when I buy things I don’t really need in an attempt to feel better when I’m sad – just because ‘I THINK I DESERVE IT’. He SEES me with all my faults, my doubts and insecurities.
He HEARS me when I’m all alone in my car and yelling at the driver in front of me when he cuts me off in traffic or when I’m gossiping to my friends under the guise of ‘just trying to help’. He HEARS me preaching about His love and forgiveness to others when I don’t feel loved or when think I am beyond forgiveness.
He KNOWS the yearning I have for things beyond my reach and the need to be wanted and loved after a life of abuse and abandonment. He KNOWS the anger and frustration that often boils up within me when I think about my past and how it’s often reflected in my present. He KNOWS my inner thoughts and reasons behind why I am who I have become.
He SEES, KNOWS and HEARS all of it and more, much more…but HE STILL LOVES ME. He knows ME. He sees ME. He hears ME.
HE SEES YOU TOO – ALL OF YOU.
I NEED TO CHANGE! I WANT TO CHANGE! I need to break the chains that I’ve wrapped myself up in.
I’m not a horrible person. I’m just someone holding it together with duct tape sometimes because LIFE IS HARD. BEING ME IS HARD. Carrying baggage from my past IS HARD. Trying to fix it on my own IS HARD.
There is HOPE. There is HEALING. There is FORGIVENESS. There is LOVE. God offers all of this free of charge and offers far more than anything the world can give.
The WORLD can’t fix me. DRUGS or ALCOHOL can’t fix me. MONEY can’t fix me. NEW CLOTHES can’t fix me. FOOD can’t fix me. FIGHTING and YELLING can’t and won’t fix me.
GOD CAN. I want to be the ME…the BEST ME that HE created and expects me to be. He sees the diamond within the crust I’ve surrounded myself with. He sees all my faults, fears, scares and tears. He sees beyond all the facades and sees who I really am.
I am His. I am Loved. I may not be perfect in the eyes of the world but I am to Him. I am a precious jewel and He wants me to shine.
I need to get on my knees and confess who I really am and give myself back to the one who created me. He is the only one that can make me into the person He designed me to be.
Father, I submit myself to you. I am a sinner in need of a SAVIOR. I know that I claimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior years ago, but I am asking you now to SAVE ME AGAIN…from myself, my past and from all the garbage the world has dumped on me. I believe you are the only one that can fix ME. Make me into the person you want me to be for your glory. PLEASE…AMEN
If you are not the YOU that God intended you to be, talk to Him. Ask Him to forgive you and save you from this world, your past, your sin and yourself.
I pray that you join me in becoming everything that we were meant to be.
Peace and Blessings, VICTORIA