Hello my friends. I have not added any new posts for a while due to illness and travel, but I’m back now and I’m excited to share an excerpt from my new book that will soon be released. This Sunday is Father’s Day and the excerpt I am going to share speaks to the deep emotional wounds associated with the dysfunctional relationship I had with my dad and how it affected me on Father’s Day. You may find a mirror image of yourself within these words, but I pray that if you have similar wounds, you will find healing and hear God’s whisper between the lines.
Because of the amazing, personal relationship that I have with my Lord, I am able to talk to Him about anything at any time. The excerpt below, is of my Lord and I sitting and talking about Father’s day on the shore of a crystal sea. (This shore is a special place – in my minds eye-that I go to talk to him whenever I need him). I had already told Him that, although I had a great relationship with Him as my best friend and Savior, I wasn’t able to have a true relationship with God, my heavenly father, because of the deep wounds associated with my earthly father. In the following excerpt I was able to finally find healing from years of anger and pain and was able to recognize and accept my Heavenly Father, who loves me beyond anything I could imagine.
Here is the excerpt on Father’s Day, from my book, GREEN SKIES and HOLY WHISPERS.
“Tough day?” He asked.
“Yeaaaah.” I answered with a sigh. I hung my head and watched the waves, once again, wash over my feet and swirl around my toes. The water felt sooo good even though I felt sooo bad.
“Did you find a card this year?” He asked, knowing full well that I had.
“Yes. I finally found one that was kind of generic. It’s getting harder and harder to find one that fits,” I answered with a shrug.
After a moment I asked, “Can’t you do something about that? I mean, I’m not the only one that finds this day and this card business difficult. There must be hundreds of thousands of us wounded kids. Can’t you inspire someone to write something that fits us? Can’t you inspire someone to put words on a card that say what a lot of us want to say, but can’t?”
“What would you have the card say?” He asked with definite interest.
“I don’t know.” I answered with a shrug.
I had no idea how to put into words what I wanted to say if I had a chance. I have always written notes inside every card I’ve ever given, apart from my Dad’s. I thought hard for a moment. I mean, this was a golden opportunity. My Lord was asking for my suggestion. How often does that happen? My mind was blank. Some writer I am, huh? I had to say something.
“Maybe there should be a Son’s Day and a Daughter’s Day instead!”
His eyes opened wide as if surprised. He’s never surprised. He was toying with me now.
“I’m serious,” I said, defending my suggestion. “We celebrate everything from Groundhog’s Day to Secretary’s Day. Why not a Son and Daughter’s Day? Maybe you could inspire someone to write cards that say all the things that children want to hear from their fathers and mothers the rest of the year, like,
‘I’m glad you’re mine,’
‘I’m so proud of you,’
‘You make me happy just the way you are,’
‘I Love You,’
My Lord sat in silence. He listened to my plea. He heard the pain between each line. After a short pause He responded.
“I can’t make people love you. I can’t make them say they are sorry. I can’t make your father say that He’s sorry, not even in a card. Some people need to be loved first. Some need to be forgiven first, before they can forgive or apologize to someone else. Some people need to be given a do-over just as I have given you a do-over each day of your life. That’s right. Each day, especially each Father’s Day, has been given as a do-over. Every day I give, is another chance to change, to make things right, to try again, to do it over. You know,” He paused. “For years, your life has been filled, overflowing with grief and anger. When you decided to let the anger go, it left a pretty gigantic hole in your life. You need to fill that crevice with something else before the anger creeps back in. If you let me, I’ll fill it with all the love that heaven can hold.”
I looked up to see His face. It was so full of love that the air around Him seemed to glow.
“You say you can’t bridge the canyon between your earthly father and God the Father. You’re right! You can’t. No father on earth can compare to the love of your Heavenly Father. The canyon between earthly fathers and your Heavenly Father is there to remind all men just how great God is. No one can match God’s love for you. No one can make you as happy as He can, and no one is prouder of you than He is.
My sweet child, you say you don’t understand how God the Father could love you. You say you can’t feel it. You argue that, when you look to God as a Father, you think of the anger and disappointment in your earthly father’s face. You say you can’t hear God or feel his love because every time you try, all you hear and feel is your earthly father’s disdain and the sting of his belt upon your skin. You say you can’t talk to God the Father. You are convinced He will ignore you as your earthly father has. You feel it’s hopeless. Why bother? Your own father never listened to you or cared about you, so why would God? Child, my sweet, sweet child, We are one and the same. I am in the Father and He is in me. If you love me…”
“I do! I do!” I exclaimed.
“… and I you.” He said reassuringly.
“Look at Me. Do you see Me?”
“Yes, Lord, Yes.”
“Do you hear me? Do you hear Me?”
“Yes, Yes,” I said as I began to weep.
“Then hear now the voice of your Father in Heaven. It is I who call you My child. You are Mine. You are My precious, precious child, and I have loved you since before time. I created Heaven and Earth for you. Have you not seen my love in the face of the moon that rises in the East or in the sun that rests in ribbons of red and gold in the West? I’ve even scattered diamonds across the night sky and painted rainbows in the clouds just to see you smile. I’ve whispered to you in the wind and commanded the very oceans to dance at your feet. I’ve washed your face with tears from heaven and created the sun to warm your soul.
Have you not felt My kiss upon your cheek in a summer breeze? Have you not seen My smile upon the faces of your children and grandchildren? Have you not found My voice in their laughter? Have you not heard the birds of the air sing for joy as you passed or felt My hand upon your shoulder in the arms of a friend?
I have painted the world with angel’s wings, as all of heaven has stood in awe of My love for you. I created amber fields and emerald forests, filling each with the wonders of heaven. I commanded pristine mountains to stand as you pass and laid carpets of green grass to cradle your feet. Crystal seas have exploded with joy as you’ve neared their shores and fields of plenty have laid their bounty at your feet. All of creation knows you are mine and rejoices at the sound of your name.
I have done all of this out of love for you and I will never leave your side. You are a treasure for which Heaven longs. We are all anxiously waiting for you to come home. For now, though, you are here. You have been created and given to this world as a gift from Heaven. You were made with purpose and sent as an ambassador of your Heavenly Father and King. I have ordered angels and warriors from my heavenly throne to guide and protect you as you journey this foreign land and they have led you to this very moment in time.
I am your Father, your Creator, the Everlasting Love that you’ve been dreaming of your entire life. I have been here from the beginning and My love will never end. I am the Lord Your God, your Heavenly Father. What is Mine is yours; joy, peace, happiness…all yours, each a gift freely given. There are no requirements, no strings attached, no demands other than that you accept them for what they are, a gift given because I love you and because you are Mine.”
I fell to my knees and wept, “Oh God, how great Thou art! How great thou art! ”
Where I was empty, I was filled. I was lost because I could not see Him next to me. Now… I could see Him, the truth; I was alone because I chose to be. I was afraid because I refused to let Him carry me. I was blind because I chose to close my eyes to the wonder of it all. I felt abandoned because I denied Him as my Father.
“Father… Father…forgive me, forgive me.” I cried. I wept, crying from my soul… “My Father, Who art in Heaven. Holy is Your name. Thy kingdom come, Thy Holy will be done on earth and in me, as it is in heaven. Fill me this day with your precious bread of life and help me to share all the glorious gifts that you give freely to me. Forgive me for not believing and accepting you as my loving Father. Forgive me when I fall, when I hurt You, as I have done so many times in the past. Help me to forgive all those who have hurt me as well. Guide me and protect me from all evil until I return home. For you are Lord. You are my Lord. You are my King. You are my Father.”
I opened my mind’s eye again to see my Lord standing before me, radiant, glorious, more so than I had ever seen. Love radiated through and around Him. Through it all, I could see Him smiling. He was smiling! I laughed thru my tears. He threw His head back and gazed into the heavens. He raised His arms high above His head, His white robe billowing in the gentle breeze.
“This is My day. Behold, I have made this day just for you. I have filled it with light and love. All of heaven rejoices for you, my precious child. He lowered His arms to embrace me. He lifted me off the ground and swung me around in jubilation. “My child, my precious girl, oh, how I love you.”
When my feet finally made their way to the sand and I was standing next to My Lord, we were laughing. There were no more tears. I gazed across the water as the waves danced on the shore. The gulls were soaring through the air, dancing in the wind. How wonderful it all was. How wonderful He was. This was a sliver of Heaven. At that moment, I knew what I needed to do. I knew that I knew, and it was amazing. It was like starting a new day. It was my day, full of gifts, full of wonder, full of peace. Father’s Day meant something different now. It was a great day to celebrate, a day to share all the love that Heaven could hold.
I decided then and there, I would find Ron and give him a giant hug and a kiss for being all that he was and for being all mine. I would call my sons and wish them happiness on this their first of many Father’s Days, and I would call my dad. I would call and wish him a Happy Father’s Day as well. I would ask him if he got my card and would tell him thank you for being my dad. I would love him with the love God had shown to me. I would try and try again. I would give him a do-over just as God had given me. I would not give up trying because my Heavenly Father never gave up on me.
I hope and pray that you have found God’s whisper within these lines. I pray that He has touched your heart as He touched mine on that Father’s Day so many years ago and that you have been blessed. I also pray that you will draw closer to God, our Heavenly Father on this special day because it’s not just about our earthly fathers. It’s about being grateful for Father God, who loves us more than we will ever know.
Blessings my friends, VICTORIA